


How Did We End Up Like This?

by PAPERSK1N



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Canon, Death, Depression, Destiel - Freeform, End!Verse Castiel - Freeform, End!Verse Dean Winchester, End!Verse Destiel, End!Verse Gabriel, End!Verse Sam Winchester, End!verse, Endverse, Everyone is Dead, Impala, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Sabriel - Freeform, Sad Ending, Sadness, Self Harm, Suicide, Swearing, Trigger Warnings, end!verse Sabriel, sad fic, season nine, season nine end!verse, seriously so much death, this is not a happy fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-09
Updated: 2014-03-09
Packaged: 2018-01-15 03:32:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1289629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PAPERSK1N/pseuds/PAPERSK1N
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel sits in the seat beside him, blue shirt undone at the top three buttons. He takes a drag from his cigarette, blowing smoke rings into the air. If it had been any other day, Dean would have complained about the smoke damaging the interior. But not tonight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Did We End Up Like This?

**Author's Note:**

> Sort of inspired by the song Born To Die by Lana Del Rey. Listen whilst reading for full effect.

_Music: Born To Die // Lana Del Rey_

* * *

 

Dean takes a turning onto the nearest highway. The Impala’s engine purrs as rich and steady as the day it was built.

Dean keeps his eyes fixated on the road, and not his passenger.

Castiel sits in the seat beside him, blue shirt undone at the top three buttons. He takes a drag from his cigarette, blowing smoke rings into the air. If it had been any other day, Dean would have complained about the smoke damaging the interior. But not tonight.

Castiel sneaks a glance at Dean, who keeps a death grip on the wheel. Cas allows his eyes to flit to the speedometer. 50mph, 60, 70 and climbing. Dean says nothing, but reaches his hand out and pushed in his favourite cassette. Led Zepplin blares through the radio, almost making the car physically shake like she knows what is coming.

Cas turns to his right, and winds down the passenger window. He sits forwards, resting his head on it. He likes the feel of the cold highway air whipping through his hair. They are going so fast it makes his eyes sting, but Cas doesn't care. Not tonight.

Only as Cas turns, does Dean allow himself to look at the ex-angel.

_How did we end up like this?_

There is something unspoken between them. This hasn’t been previously planned, or spoken about in any way but they both know. There is an unspoken agreement hanging in the smoke-filled air. They both know exactly where they are headed, and Cas does nothing to object as Dean presses harder on the gas pedal.

Cold air whips through the car, and a lonely tear escapes Cas’ wrung red eyes.

Dean remembers how this all started.

He remembers how the angels fell. Sammy was hurt, and he remembers exactly one week later, Castiel stumbling through the door, beaten and bloody. He wasn’t an angel anymore.

So Dean fixed him up. Strung him back together piece by piece. He remembered how Cas cried for a whole week after the fall. He didn't know how one man could cry so much.

He remembers being surprised when Gabriel stumbled through the doors of the bunker weeks later. Also human. Also hurt.

He remembers Sammy lighting up when Gabriel arrived. The two healed together, and they held an unbreakable bond. Sometimes, Dean would wonder if it was just friendship, or maybe something more. He never asked.

He remembers the four of them, living in the bunker. Team Free Will. He remembers Kevin and Garth and Charlie and everyone else they called their friends.

He remembers the first time he fucked Cas, hard against his bedroom wall, Cas panting, begging for it. He remembers Cas coming untouched, tears escaping from his eyes.

Neither of them knew what to call it. Except for love.

Dean remembers how Gabriel was the first to die. Demons got him on a hunt. Although Gabriel was an annoying dick, Dean was torn by his death. It was his fault. He was supposed to be looking out for both the fallen angels.

But nobody took Gabriel’s death harder than Sam.

They gave the ex-archangel a hunters funeral, burning his body on a fire just under a mile away from the bunker. He remembers how Sam wouldn't stop crying.

Dean remembers finding Sam, dead on the cold bathroom floor three weeks later, a razor in-between his fingers and blood staining his wrists.

Dean had failed. His one job, to take care of Sammy. And he failed.

He remembers giving Sam a funeral in the same spot as Gabriel, so the two could just maybe stay together. He looked at Cas through the burning fire. It was just the two of them now.

He remembers how they fucked, they argued. Cas cried and he shouted. He shoved Cas in the gut. Cas punched him square in the jaw. Neither of them apologised because they both liked it. It was nice to be able to actually feel something.

So Dean would let Cas beat the shit out him before he beat the shit out of him right back.

And then they were here. Dean’s foot is still pressed hard against the impala’s gas pedal. They’ve well broken one hundred now.

_How did we end up like this?_

Cas flicks the cigarette out the window, and sits back in his seat. His eyes turn to Dean. Dean looks back at Cas. He looks so damn beautiful like this. In the light of the moon, red, blotchy tear tracks down his face. His hair is thick and dark, clinging to his forehead in nervous sweat. He smells like cigarette smoke and whiskey.

Dean wonders when Cas stopped looking like Castiel, the angel of Thursday, and started looking like the man in front of him.

They're almost there. They’re so close.

The two lock eyes once again. Cas lets out something that could be likened to a laugh. His fingers tentatively unbuckle the seat belt he sees no need of actually wearing. What’s the point anymore?

Two pairs of eyes hold an unspoken agreement, one blue and one green.

Cas waits a beat, before launching himself at Dean from the passenger seat. He sits on Dean’s lap, gripping his shoulders through his shirt so hard, bruises form where his fingertips squeeze. Cas locks onto Dean’s mouth, and Dean kisses him back with equal fervour, releasing the steering wheel. His foot does not come off the gas pedal.

Cas is biting and sucking, leaving a trail of red marks down his neck. His hips grind into Dean’s, fast and hard. Dean lets the scent of Cas fill his nostrils.

“I love you, Dean Winchester.” Castiel whispers against his skin.

“I love you too angel.” Is the last thing Dean says before all his can see is the blinding white lights of a truck coming straight at them. He makes no effort to lift his foot off the pedal. The car spins, but  Cas doesn’t let him go. Not tonight.

For his last moments, Dean allows himself to think of everyone he lost. Everyone that died because of him.

_Mom, Dad, Jess, Madison, Pamela, Ash, Amy, Jo, Ellen, Jody, Bobby, Garth, Kevin, Charlie, Gabriel, Sam, Bobby, Charlie, Garth Gabriel, Sam, Kevin, Ellen, Jo, Bobby, Mom, Dad, Mom, Gabriel, Bobby, Sam._

_Cas._

* * *

Dean climbs out of the wreckage. The Impala flipped itself into a ditch, and he takes one last look at the car that once meant more to him than anything. He now realises that it wasn’t the car, but the people in it.

Cas’ body is limp in his arms as he stands looking down. He hears a tick in the car’s engine. He knows what’s coming.

And it’s so unfair.

Why did he have to survive? How fair was that? What more could the universe possibly have to ask of Dean Winchester?

But at least Castiel got what he wanted. His release.

The impala’s engine ticks one last time and Dean allows a tear to slip down his face. He can’t stay here long, because soon enough a passer by in a car is going to notice and call the cops.

His eyes glance down into the ditch where his baby lays, crushed and broken. There is one second of ultimate silence, before the engine explodes and the Impala bursts into flames.

But Dean doesn’t need his car anymore. He doesn’t need a passenger seat.

He places one last kiss to Cas’ chapped lips, and runs his hand through his dark hair. It occurs to him that he’ll never see Cas’ blue eyes again.

He lays Cas’ body on top of the fire. A hunter’s funeral no doubt.

And with that, he turns and walks away. He doesn’t glance back once because he knows once he does, nothing will stop him from running into the blazing fires again. The universe wants more from him. And more, Dean Winchester shall give.

And it’s not fair. Not in the slightest.


End file.
